There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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