maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
