what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
