i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
