I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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