yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize