Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
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