im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize