it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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