the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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