***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
