He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
