Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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