If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
