he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
