you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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