Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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