How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
