Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
