dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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