the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
