# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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