Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
