He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
