I think i sorta joined a cult last night
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
