I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
When are your genitals available?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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