jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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