That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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