some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
