its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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