i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
