What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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