i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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