i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
