Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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