WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
