I am puke
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
