apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
