he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
