I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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