The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
