All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
