Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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