I'm eating all of the evidence.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
