READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
