I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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