So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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