Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
