The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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