yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
