He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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