We're facebook friends in real life
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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