When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
