I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
