why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
