I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
