M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
