High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize