my vag is so smooth its legendary
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize