Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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