Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
