I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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