imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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