Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
