He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize