Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
