Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
