Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
