so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
