Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can text with my tongue
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
