The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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